If you've never heard of women's circles before you likely have no idea what I'm talking about. You're probably picturing a bunch of women sitting on the floor talking all woo woo nonsense. I used to think the same thing until a few years ago when, on a whim, I decided to attend one. I had no clue what to expect and was pretty sure I was going to hate it so I had already planned my exit strategy from the moment my friend had suggested I give it a go.
I remember as I was walking up to the door I was already rehearsing in my head my preplanned excuse for why I had to leave all of a sudden, but at the same time something kept pushing me forward and I found myself in a room with a group of women I had never met before, giving daggers to my friend who was animatedly talking to one of the other women. I shuffled in and sat down in a spare spot and nervously smiled at the woman next to me, a few minutes later a woman, the circle leader banged a small gong and so began my circle journey.
The circle leader led us through a meditation followed by a sharing circle where each woman (yes even me) shared how we were feeling on the chosen topic. This was something I hate doing and would usually have avoided or tried to get out of by passing my turn over to the woman next in line, but not this time, for some reason, that even to this day I can't explain, I took my turn and found myself opening up about things that were coming up for me.
Now let's be clear here I'm not a sharer, I'm an intensely private person and was brought up to never air your dirty laundry (including emotions) in public, so to open up in front of a room full of people I had only just met seemed inconceivable to me, even more so that these were women. I'd always struggled in female friendships, finding it hard to trust women. I've come to understand that there are lots of branches to this tree but my extremely toxic relationship with my mother and the relationship this cultivated between myself and my sister had a huge impact on me and had shaped my views on women and my ability to trust the women around me.
Even though I struggled to trust other women as I've got older I've felt a strong need for connection and validation from women, something I didn't experience in my younger years. This paradox is what had driven me to take the uncomfortable step of going to that first women's circle. I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable around other women yet at the same time, I craved female friendships.
That first women's circle opened my eyes to new possibilities of relating to women and although it was terrifying for me to open myself up and be vulnerable around other women I also found myself feeling more at ease, not just with the women in the circle but also in my own skin, I found a level of self-acceptance that I had always lacked.
What do you do in a women's circle?
So what do you do in a women's circle? Well, they are all slightly different, I was worried about it being too woo woo and that I wouldn't fit in but it was the opposite, it was exactly what I needed. The basic principle is that there will be a host but the very nature of being in circle is that there is no hierarchy we are all co-creating the circle as we sit in it. There is usually some sort of grounding meditation to help women settle into the space and leave the outside world and everyday life at the door (virtual or real). If it is a sharing circle you may go straight into a group share where women take it in turns to share what's going on for them as the other women listen
Some circles have more of a structure where there is a particular theme for the circle, for example, confidence or trust. In this type of circle the host will introduce the topic and ask the women to think about certain questions relating to that topic and then each woman will share what's coming up in relation to that topic.
Then there may be some sort of ritual, now don't worry at the mention of the word ritual, we're not talking about cutting the heads of chickens or anything as dramatic as that it could be as simple as blowing out a candle or doing a journaling exercise.
There might also be some sort of movement break, this can be playing a song just to get everyone moving around and change the energy particularly if you've just had a deep sharing experience.
Why should you go to a women's circle?
1. Circles are not spaces for people to coach, fix or solve other women's problems.
How many times have you just wanted to vent or just tell someone what's going on for you without people giving you their views or opinions or telling you what you should do or need to do?
This was a big one for me because I fall into the rescuer category, I always feel I have to fix other people's problems or find solutions. I've often tied my self worth to 'fixing' people and finding solutions to their problems, but then either end up being taken advantage of or feeling resentful that this is not reciprocated when I need help. So to sit in a circle with a group of women without feeling I had to fix their problems to be accepted or validate my place there was hard for me initially but also really liberating. It felt nice for other people to actually take the time to listen to me for a change. It was the first time I had ever felt seen and heard in my own right and felt valued just by my presence.
2. Every woman in the circle is equal
There's no hierarchy in a women's circle, it doesn't matter what you do for a living, what your income is or anything that usually defines us or separates us. Everyone who comes to circle comes with the willingness to accept ourselves and each other despite our differences without judgement or comparison.
3. Finding real connections and deep friendships
We celebrate each other, we hold each other up when we are struggling, we laugh, we cry and we learn from each other. I have made some beautiful friendships from being in circle, friendships with women I would likely never had met and felt more understood and accepted as a result of attending these circles.
4. Personal development and growth.
Circles are a way of really exploring parts of yourself that you don't often think about or even have an awareness of. These circles can challenge you to dig deeper and really think about your thoughts and beliefs and how these serve you and hold you back.
I have grown as a woman and as a person. I have learnt a lot about myself and most importantly I can trust women to support me, to care about me to be there when I'm struggling, to accept me and be my biggest cheerleaders. I feel more confident to be myself, I'm kinder to myself and I'm also a better person for going to circle.
5. Women need other women
Women can only truly be understood by other women, not so long ago I would have argued this point but after experiencing the power of having a strong circle of women I fully stand behind this. We understand the stages of life we, as women go through, we understand what it is to be a woman in all its glory and messiness. There is something truly magical about coming together with a group of women who all come from a place of understanding and support that every woman should experience and have in their life.
If you've never been to a women's circle it's definitely worth giving it a go and it has never been easier to find a circle, the virtual world has made it possible for women no matter where you live to be able to find a women's circle so give it a go.